Feels Like Deja Vu

Well there's no easy way to put it. Yesterday was probably the third worst day I've experienced. First two were when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, second was when she passed, and yesterday was when my father was diagnosed with cancer. Stage IV cancer. He's been given 6 months to live, and advised to get things in order fairly quickly. It's a hard situation (probably putting it lightly) for my brothers and myself. We live at home with our dad, so first things first, we will be setting up a living trust, and go from there. Living wise, we'll have to see how that pan's out. All three of us need jobs (my older brother, 35, is working), but I haven't been able to get a job, & I have no credit, and the same goes for my younger brother (he's 23).

I'm the only one driving, and pretty much looking a lot of major responsibilities falling on me. It's looking like it will be a while before my dad is allowed to come home from the hospital, and unfortunately, it wouldn't surprise me if he never comes home (sadly). I pretty much only got about two hours of sleep last night, waking myself crying through the night. Coming to a realization that I won't be able to go to baseball games with him this summer and beyond. We have quite a few games to go to, and we're planning on going down to Anaheim July 2-4th for the Cardinals series, which is their first time coming down to Anaheim. Father's Day is also approaching, and I wanted to get Padres tickets for us, so we could go back down for a game or two, as we did it last year, and it was a great experience. I reserved two tickets for the October 5th concert down in Chula Vista for Maroon 5 & Kelly Clarkson that we most likely won't get to go to now. I have to pick the tickets up on the day of the concert.


Then there are other things that were getting me to cry during the night. The scariness of it, the realization that for my brothers, we're not going to get to go on any more family vacations (for a while at least). Our dad, even though we had issues, was in many ways our best friend, at least mine. Just in January I got to go to Vegas with him (I won a hotel stay and got to see Lady Gaga in concert).

Seeing my dad cry yesterday was hard. Was only my second time seeing him cry (first time being when my mom passed away). Seeing him cry over the Angel tickets, was gut wrenching, then crying about how he was trying to get better, how he thought they would give him news that they would be able to cure him, and how everything is like a dead end now.